when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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