i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
