I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
