sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
