Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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