my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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