dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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