we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
