I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
