he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
