just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
