you mean i was at the winter classic?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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