whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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