News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
