I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He felt like a one man threesome
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
