my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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