the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
