I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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