Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Where is the hickey?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
