i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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