he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
