conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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