i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
