I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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