how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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