I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Buhtt sex?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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