is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
