I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
