HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
