I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize