Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
