I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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