So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Randomize
