so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
