Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
