fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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