Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
