Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
