Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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