Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
