dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize