It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
