she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
operation have a gay friend backfired
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
