Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
