After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
