She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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