A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize