You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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