can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize