are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
