I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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