I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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