Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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