I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
