Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
