no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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