The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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