This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i think my cat just said my name.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
