We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
