im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
