Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize