does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
