Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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