my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your cock deserves a montage
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
